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From the moment I knew what it meantto be me I have known I was different to other boys and no matter howhard I have tried every time I start to get close to a girl... evenwith you, something in me says its a sin to be with them... But I can'tbring myself to want to be with a man living like I am... God I am sofucked up!"Bee placed her hand on mine and said. "I half know what you meanSam..."Reassured by her touch I hesitantly asked. "Are you a lesbian Bee?" I don't know," she admitted. "I do know I've never found men sexuallyattractive and from the moment I knew what it meant to be a woman thatidea of being married to a man revolted me to the depths of my soul...The thing was until I came to England at 16 for my A-levels the conceptof finding a woman attractive simply did not exist in my psyche. Iguess with being brought up in a Islamic world and going to a schoolwhere religion instruction took centre stage when it came to theeducation of girls, the concept of lesbianism was so far. When I woke up the next day my mother asked me if I was going to go see my friend today and I said yes after me and brother go get food for the house and she said they were to happy with me going to see my friend but they really couldn't stop me and I shouldn't get in my brothers way if he finds a girl he likes because he should have a girlfriend by now. I said I would never get in his way if he found a girl he likes but they should stay out of his love life and she told me to shut up and not talk to her like that so I stormed outside and found my brother just outside and he said I heard what you said and thanks then he said are you ready to go and I said sure whenever you are and so we left to get the food then I started to think about what my mother said and I started to get jealous of another girl with my brother that is when I realized I am in love with my brother but it would be bad to stand in his way for happiness because I'm in love with him. I must have been thinking real.
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